_behind the scenes_
zhi xu.
30/10/89
likes: purple!
gymnast(:
chinese dancer
_archives_
- July 2006
- August 2006
- September 2006
- October 2006
- November 2006
- December 2006
- January 2007
- February 2007
- March 2007
- April 2007
- May 2007
- June 2007
- July 2007
- August 2007
- September 2007
- October 2007
- November 2007
- December 2007
- January 2008
- February 2008
_frens_
8+1!! | abbY* | alison
whiny aster | belle* | chermaine
chianyeh | class | cheryl y | evelyn
jing xuan | mandre | su(mar)wan | nikki
ramona | pamela maria loo jing ling
rach wong | raisin | suelynn | wenhao
yamz! | yihui(: | yiwei
zhunian!
_wishlist_
black clubs! | tie dyed ribbon
new wallet | black hoop
sasaki ball!!
_tagboard_
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Again :S There's some problem with me.But with something to look forward to I'm fine. I guess this time it's shorter that's why.
Meanwhile I have many things I should do :S
I did something totally different with my class today. With 4 classes all moving at different pace and covering different topics, I wonder how on earth am I going to be able to remember which class stopped where. I wrote it down though.
Prac today was a disaster. Well I had a good time getting to know that class better at least. Now I can match every name in that class to a face. How pro ;)
c0mments
Monday, January 28, 2008
I just finished the book "The Innocent Man" by John Grisham. The last few pages left me with my vision blurred and tears dripping off my cheeks. But. I didn't like the book at first. Much as I knew it was a factual recount albeit written by a fiction writer, I didn't quite like the style of his writing in this book. Completely different from the norm. And absolutely detached.It was difficult reading it because facts were piled upon facts. A summary of the entire encounter. No story-telling skills. No emotion-tweaker. No tears-inducer.
And the book excelled precisely in the way it presented everything in facts. Uncoloured. Though highlighted. It would have been an absolute bore to read. But the truth was compelling. Horrifying. And captivating. (And that was why the last few pages were so painful to read.)
Which struck me as to why an innocent man was put through so much trouble and trauma when it was obvious the faults in his trial and the criminal justice system. The facts were staring at everyone.
Yet the determination to nail a crime to a "random" suspect won over.
And made Ron Williamson undergo much unnecessary torture. At the expense of taxpayers.
Ok I might be slow in picking up this story. And in picking up this book (bought it before prelims and kept it in its cover until only recently). But the book is so chilling in that it is a true story.
Ok I don't know what to say. I'm left speechless.
(Who wants to borrow this book? Just keep in mind the Zhi Xu's library rules :P)
--
I realise I can find strength.
In cherishing hope, keeping faith, surrounded by love and blessed with a bit of luck :)
Someone recently asked me whether it was true I liked four-leaf clovers a lot.
--
So Mr Barack Obama won the South Hampshire Democratic primary. I wonder whether it is truly good news for him. With overwhelming support by the black population in South Hampshire, the Democratic race for the Presidential nomination is becoming increasingly polarised along racial lines. And it would make it difficult for him to win the nomination in states with fewer blacks should he continue to play for black votes.
Super Tuesday would be highly interesting to follow.
--
Why did I start commenting on American politics. -.-
Some replies to tags:
suwan: I look forward to dancing with you again soon baby :) Meanwhile, take care of yourself and stay cheery :)
zhu hui: Oh gosh the smile all the time line sounds like aster. I miss you very very much! When are you coming back!
nikki: so is outing on saturday confirmed?? yesyesyes?
--
My super quiet class astounded me today by the cacophony they created. Faints.
Tutorial is becoming difficult to teach. Very hard for me not to stray into other topics because stoichiometry is so basic and essential to all subjects that it actually builds on knowledge from other chapters taught later in the syllabus. I hope I didn't repeatedly lose my class(es) today.
Ahhh and lectures are going too slowly for tutorials. Oh well. There's the CNY break soon! And a lot of marking to do after CNY :S Silly me for wanting them to hand in their _optional_ work :P
c0mments
Oh and my sore throat is back :S I think I'm falling even more sick.
Didn't have the strength to lift up my leg at all during dance today. So tiring. Maybe some bug :S I don't like being picked on. But everytime I tell myself -- Well, at least I'm being looked at to be picked upon.
My parents watched some Dao Lang concert just now. A song I like...
谢谢你
刀郎
假如人生能够留下可以延续的记忆
我一定选择感激
如果在我临终之前还能发出声音
我一定会说一句谢谢你
如果生命之重可以用我双手托起
你定是我生命的精灵
如果爱能够让我们永远在一起
我会对它说一句谢谢你
谢谢你
你搂着我的伤痛抱着我受伤的心
在迷乱尘世中从来未曾说放弃
你牵着我的手走进明天的风雨
不管前路崎岖你从来坚定
谢谢你
你让我可以在平凡的世界发现我自己
不管是否有阳光照耀我依然美丽
你让我明白:爱你就是爱我自己
你让我学会珍惜生活里的点点滴滴.
c0mments
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Simple joys of life:Sitting down in a windy corner of Singapore and simply enjoying the breeze. And the company.
Looking into a childcare centre and seeing a girl smile so brightly back at me.
Looking up, and admiring the beautiful moon in the sky.
There is hardly anything simple in my life anymore. I wish. I wish. I wish for a lot of things.
I wish I knew what to do with my life.
--
27 Dresses was not as nice as what mini-mel led me to believe. Yet it made me think as well. When Jane was trying to hard to do what she thought she was supposed to do with her life, I couldn't decide what I want to do as well. And why was I trying so hard. And what was I trying so hard for.
I still don't know. Despite everything today.
--
I wish the world was simple and easy.
"You are beautiful." I want to tell this to someone as well :)
c0mments
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Slacked and bummed around the whole day today. Watched TV and played TV sudoku albeit on paper.Was so tired when I was reading on the couch that I fell asleep and slept for about an hour. Sounds like last Thursday didn't it? Hopefully Friday would not be a repeat.
But tomorrow is different :) YES!
Oh today I finally heard the National Anthem on TV. Just yesterday gor gor was telling me about it and I was like "HUH got such a thing arh???" And I saw it today! Haha quite cool I never knew the National Anthem was played on TV :)
Oh and I forgot to mention something yesterday. Did you know that the steps leading to Thomson Plaza from the bus stop acts like a water fountain? The cascading waterfalls would have been extremely cool. Other than the fact that they made my feet UTTERLY wet. Haha.
Cough cough cough. I want my throat to be well again! I must learn how to speak with my diaphragm. Yeps.
Okies looking forward to tomorrow!
Dance dance dance I miss it so much!
c0mments
Hmmm. Had a very silent phone conversation today because I think both ends were feeling very sian. Haiz today wasn't a good day despite it being quite good for the first half part.
Anyway, today had prac which went quite horribly because I didn't brief them carefully enough before they started the prac I think. Then ended up during debrief I had to correct all the mistakes again. But today's class was quite fun :) I like.
Other than that, lecture in which a teacher teased a student. Erms... No comment on that part. It was quite amusing but the student was amused as well sooo...
Had lunch with the gor gor today :) Thanks arh the four-leaf clovers. Hehe went to pizza hut and were told to present our student passes (which we duly did) and guess what? Hahaha. But oh dear he's going in when all the rest of the boys are coming out! Ok but I still look forward to the day he goes in! :P Hehehe.
Computer had some major malfunctioning.
Uneasy MSN conversation with someone.
I need to talk desperately but I really don't know how and who to talk to. A lot of things to consider which I would like to talk over with someone. But I guess it would be quite hard to burden someone else with all my problems when they have their own problems and are already overtaxed and getting down due to them. So I guess I have to keep it down as usual.
As usual. Haiz.
c0mments
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Can someone super pro at tech please please help me :'(My computer decided to install IE7, Windows Live Messenger 8 and Windows Media Player 10 all at the same time itself. And now everything is back to default settings. And the best thing is "My Documents" does not lead to "Zhi Xu's Documents" when I'm in the profile "Zhi Xu".
HELP! I can't even restore it :'(
c0mments
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
There is technically 2 more work days to wait. But non-technically longer.Haiz, I should buck up and start with my applications again but I can't get myself to start :(
Oh well oh well.
I WANT MY VOICE BACK!! WHERE ARE YOUUUUU~~
c0mments
Monday, January 21, 2008
I have no more voice. How to teach. ARGHSSSSS...I shall make up for my concrete silence with virtual noise. GRAHHHH.
Okies spare you your imaginary eardrums :P
c0mments
Why is it like that.
I think I took on more than I could again. But actually it isn't even half as much as what I know I can. It's just the mental torture of something not yet here. I'm bullying myself into worrying more than I need. Later faint / almost faint again -.-
There is a song titled Chemistry. Interesting :P
c0mments
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Tired. Think I might just go and sleep once I finish packing up for tomorrow despite the extremely early hour. Oh dear... Why am I so tired when I haven't done anything?c0mments
Played for about 2.5 hours :) All the old songs :D It was great touching the piano again although having to fumble through ridiculously simple dong1 ji4 lian4 ge1 scores made me feel sad about how I've deproved. And playing Hanon Finger Exercises 1-38 in one shot can be a tad boring. But yeps :)
There's school again tomorrow. I'm itching to meet my 3P class again before they forget that their chem tutor is called Miss Tan! :P I hope they've prepared their tutorial because seriously, I wasn't around to stipulate how many questions they were supposed to have done by tomorrow. Oh well... Optimistic outlook! :)
c0mments
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Left school early yesterday because I was feeling faints and almost 'dropped dead' in the science lab and turned so pale / green that I think I frightened the other 2 reliefs, Ms Tang and Ms Soh. Oh gosh :S Felt so horrible.And I feel so sorry for missing my 3P class again because I only went for half of their lesson on Monday which technically now this means I haven't taken a single full lesson with them yet! And they are the class which is currently the scariest for me :( Oh dear :(
Anyway after being diagnosed of tension headache by the doctor yesterday, he gave me medicine for pain and giddiness and I've slept for 17 hours since yesterday (2pm-8.30pm and 11pm-9.30am) and missed my CAAS interview today because of that :( And I'm still feeling giddy and drowsy despite not having taken the medicine today. But tension headache does not explain the sore throat. Maybe I've been shouting too loudly during pracs :S
Ahhh I think I need SOMEMORE sleep but oh gosh I should try marking the quiz first.
Oh boy oh boy :S I should go eat the giddiness medicine but I'm afraid it will make me konk out again. Like how I went to sleep exactly 1 hour after taking my medicine yesterday :S
Ahhh I hate being sick :( Though it certainly made me lose weight. Lol.
c0mments
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Some changed opinions. In both directions, the good and the bad. I think I'm getting rather good at reading people, particularly in the work situation. Where face has to be saved, and where one is simply being honest.Learned some things of my school I probably would never know if I never became a relief teacher as well. I wonder...
There are really quite a lot of things teachers have to do. Preparing for classes, writing reports and records, figuring ways to cope with different classes, preparing materials. And before and after leaving lab sessions there are especially a lot of things to do. Which makes me quite flustered really. New found respect for Science teachers. But then again it totally depends on your time table as well. I have lecture blank blank blank blank blank practical which means that I actually stay back in school tomorrow even though I barely have any lessons! But a lot of things to mark so oh well, the blanks will all be filled up...
Met up with the class girls! + Sister Lewis (Haha promoted. But how come my gor gor become a female...). Had a rather good time just chatting and catching up with them. I really miss the old school days where everything are just so simple and easy and carefree. Random stand up and throw frisbee around the class and scolding the boys for hitting people with randomly careening frisbees. Fold paper aeroplane and throw around until a teacher came to ask us what we were doing and she said, "Oh, J2s, taking a break is it?" and walked away. _Rolling_ the soccer ball around by the naughty boys in the back row during lessons. Tsk. I never knew they did that just heard it recently. Sit in the canteen and chat and chat. Rush down after Physics lecture on Tuesdays for Stall 3 or Stall 7 depending on the then current trend. Long long study group sessions and 'consultations' during study group (Take a queue number! Consultation chairs. Chem god. Or rather simply, God Goh). Omygosh the jian4 Lewis and Yip poached from Council Room. Faints. Sit in the canteen for 1+ hour until we reluctantly pull ourselves back to study during study group. Greeting the various gods before eating our meals.
Am really really thankful I decided to go for study group for A's because the experience of bonding with my classmates are really so wonderful I wish I had always gone for study group. But then again I can't really concentrate that well there so maybe it wouldn't be that good an idea as well. Had always felt quite distant from my class due to the incessant dance pracs and choreography sessions which made me miss every single one of the thurs and fri lunch outings. Which made me pretty sad and left out :(
But it is a matter of choice. And responsibility. I am just thankful I had such a wonderful chance to know my classmates all so much better.
And when I see my J1 classes, I keep having the urge to tell them not to waste their days and time in RJC. Because they will really really miss it. When it is time for them to leave...
I wonder whether any of my students know of my blog. Huh...
c0mments
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
I thank the people whom I can turn to when I'm down. I thank the people who talk to me after I've neglected them for ages. I thank the people who pray for me online, complain about life with me, cheer me up, cheer me down, tell me to stay a kid, tell me to keep my dreams, tell me to keep faith, tell me to have faith, have faith in me when I have lost all in myself.I love my friends who tell me to believe in myself. Who answer my smses even though they are busy and not obliged to. Who spend ages talk to me online just to cheer me up. Who check with me again a while later to make sure I'm fine. Who call me to hear me sniffle over the phone. Tears choking up my words.
7 people played a part in cheering me up today. Some random some not.
I'm not fine. But I'm better. It hurts.
But I will be fine.
Such a trying period of time :S
c0mments
Monday, January 14, 2008
Reality check. Spoilt day :'( Ok I will just admit I suck :'(c0mments
Sunday, January 13, 2008
I hate having weird fits of emo-ness at night. Like suddenly very UGHS UGHS the feeling.Problem is. I love the nights too. But only when everyone's asleep and I'm the lone soul awake at home. Be it chatting online, reading, or just staring into space and thinking. I think the privacy and silence at home is what makes me love nights (to be exact, early mornings) at home.
Problem also is, being a teacher from tomorrow onwards, I wonder how much I can blog about what I really feel. Seems odd to me that my students might one day chance upon this blog and find that their teacher is actually someone so emo-nemo. Hmm... But then again. Why did I ever feel the liberty to blog about anything under the sun just because I was a student? Not that I have ever blogged freely about what I thought. Heh. The internet is a scary place afterall.
I wonder how often people get struck with the feeling that they don't want to grow up. Because I'm totally stuck in that dilemma now. And people agree with me as well. Like a friend who said "just stay a kid" to me. Heh, I would like that, the carefree-ness, the joyfulness. Oh gosh I wish I was young and carefree again. I sound so old and yet I am not.
I have the urge of doing all the kiddy things I have missed out when I was an actual kid. Like prancing about in the playground. Building sandcastles at the beach. Streaking across the grounds flying kites.
Instead, I'm met with the horrors of work and interviews. And I hate these kinds of things. Makes me keep doubting myself and thinking I'm not good enough. Makes me wonder whether I really want to be someone successful next time. Makes me want to take the easy way out to be a tai-tai in future and not have to face the horrible phenomenon called the REAL WORLD.
Did you ever wonder you have a choice of escaping from stress? Because I wonder that very often. And it is me giving myself stress. So that makes me a pyscho to be exact.
A pyscho currently missing her counsellor to be exact :(
But I over-exaggerate my problems. And worry to much about nothing. At least I hope it is actually nothing.
That doesn't stop me from worrying.
And worrying and worrying.
See where all the white hair comes from?
c0mments
Speaking of which. Pam's house is gorgeous. GORGEOUS. I mean it. Complete with everthing from a small little open air lounge / TV area, pool, sitting area, high ceilings... Omgosh, I want to live in such a place next time. Time to start working hard and saving money.
My first hard-earned money will be gained tomorrow. The very first one. Previously had only weird 'allowances' for food and stuff once in a while. This time... :)
But my older sister po4 huai4 hang2 qing2. So I will have to treat my parents and grandparent with my first paycheck as well. Hmm...
Anyway dance gathering was a little better this time. Double the number from the previous time ;) But still not the complete troupe.
I hope alumni dance starts soon! I miss practices with all of them :) But no one wants to choreograph yet. I kind of want to, but I don't think I'm good enough. And I don't know whether I would have the time as well. So see how...
My first class starts tomorrow. Getting nervous :S
c0mments
Saturday, January 12, 2008
I'm telling myself that I didn't get it because I'm not suited for it and not because I'm just too rotten and not good enough for it.Sometimes I question myself. Why do I even think that I'm good enough for so many things? What makes me think I deserve it.
Seriously.
c0mments
Friday, January 11, 2008
I'm tired in the afternoons so frequently. I'm seriously wondering whether I've already converted my body clock back to Singapore time.Went to visit Tekong today! It was like a tour like that. How amusing. Anyway, hearing old army boys talk about "those days" and how now things are "much better" is quite amusing. But I can still feel the ferry shaking under my feet. Never knew I couldn't take the bobbing up and down that badly! (Oh the ferry was quite 'posh' I was rather shocked. But maybe the boys will come back in motor boats. :P Who knows.)
But the beds are some 10 inches. Thicker than mine at home :( But I didn't like the food :P So... Thankfully I'm not the one going in. It was spicy somemore... Lol.
Oh and saw PM Lee there today sending his son off as well. Everyone was craning their necks to take a look at him. I rather pity political figures for the lack of privacy sometimes. When it's actually a private family event, they are rather not let off a public presentation of themselves. Take for example how Nicholas Sarkozky was criticised for his marriage life. And how the succession of wives vs sole wife is debated hotly by US Republican candidates. Hmm... Didn't think it was nice when some parents tried taking photos of PM Lee as well. But I guess it was inevitable.
Or am I simply immune to such figures already? Maybe shake hands with too many before o.o
Seeing the boys shout "YES SIR" so loudly today was quite. I don't quite know how to describe it. Hehe but young faces staring face front with fists clenched on their laps. As one placing their sling bag thingy (on the right shoulder) and standing up. Where boys turn into men. Seriously. Am I only the one having this odd feeling now? Maybe because many people have already seen Yong Chun when he came out but I haven't. Maybe it strikes me only now.
Wasn't allowed to watch Chinese Dance auditions today! TSK. Such naughty juniors :P Oh well. I guess it's up to them. Might be a bit odd if the students I teach see me there as well I guess.
I feel a major responsibility looming up for me. Especially practical sessions because of SPA skills and stuff! And the possibility of fire and where the bucket of sand is o.o Speaking with someone who was quite shocked J3 students are allowed to teach J1 students hammered in the immense responsibility I have. Yeps I am going to study chem later tonight!
I hope my classes are guai, but not deathly silent. Hardworking, but not too muggerish. Smart, but not smart alec-ky. Yeps. What else should I hope for? I guess I would only know come Monday.
14 takes a dual meaning right now. But only for the rest of today.
Dance gathering tomorrow! Dance lesson on the day after! Then school will start and come weekend gym gathering and dance lesson! Yeps. Things to occupy myself :)
c0mments
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Surprise school trip which yielded interesting comments from various teachers. And biometric prints for staffroom access. How cool ;)Other than that student lecture (I must not fall asleep!) and lab introduction (HORROR!) and 4 classes to teacher. Ughs.
I don't know what else. Tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow. Sounds freaky.
I should revise Stoichio + Acids and Bases and Titration. Apparently the school lab now has more high-tech RGS era burettes. Good for the students ;)
c0mments
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
I went to school on my own today! As in public transport. And it was my very first time. How ironic, that I should do that when I technically am already out of the school!Yeps but that was wayyy cool ;)
Oh and according to Cheryl Tay, I'm teaching her class. Which is like 6X. X!!!! Apparently there's Y as well. Oh GOSH. Since when were there so many 6- classes! But she's trip-sci so I think a lot of 3- classes are now 6- classes... The days of 6S being the very last 6- class.
Anyway, 6L still rocks ;) I wonder whether I will teach my grand juniors. I don't even know how many classes I'm teaching!
After school went to Bishan Park to play in the playground. I still can't do Monkey Bars. Oh wells.
Oh there are like one hundred and one changes to the school. Ughs. Like tons of new extensions. And the Stall 2 aunties wearing Apron + Hat (do you call it a hat?) now. Haha. And met teachers as well. A teacher who said "Ohhh? HI!", when I didn't know who he was, to me. And Ms Loh. And Miss Pang, who only found out today that Yihui and I were in the same CCA_S_. Like she knew I was in Gym and Yihui was in Chinese Dance but she never knew we were in BOTH. Hahaha.
c0mments
Monday, January 07, 2008
Packed my table yesterday. And I found many things.Like...
Memories and love notes :)
My supposed pencil box :P
An extremetly holey bun net
No comment.
OG memories (I just met Alvin Nat that day and I haven't seen the rest around for ages...)
Sec 2 Newspaper Competition
Gym Farewell Chalet 2005
Haha someone is going to kill me for this but it's so funny I don't know why I find it funny also...
Mrs Loh and Mr Ong trying to do ban tui :P Oh gosh haha. The picture quality's horrible but the original was a minute polaroid so...
I'm considering ditching this blog but I guess I'll keep it up and around still for now. Hmm...
School's going to start soon and there are still many things I would like to do.
c0mments
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Tired.Yesterday I learnt the U-turn. And got drenched in the rain. And ate wonderful chocolate pudding.
Today I got treated to lunch. And treated to movie (through a voucher). And met a friend I didn't go out with since. Since the year before the last. Sounds so long ago...
Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Oh well.
Scared. Nervous. Apprehensive. Excited.
I should go dig out my stuff...
c0mments
Thursday, January 03, 2008
I'm drinking Cappuccino with Baileys now. And just got scolded for adding too much liquor. But nice :) Thanks to my sister for introducing it to me.It's depressing filling up some forms. I hate it :'(
I had a bad dream yesterday night / this morning. Dreamt that I didn't get into Cambridge. Hope it isn't true...
It won't come true. Yepps.
c0mments
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Why am I up at such an insane hour???c0mments
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
I'm back home I should be dancing with joy but why ain't I...c0mments
So many horrible moments in 2007, but the best of moments as well.
It's 2008. Hope it goes well.
c0mments