_behind the scenes_
zhi xu.
30/10/89
likes: purple!
gymnast(:
chinese dancer
_archives_
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_frens_
8+1!! | abbY* | alison
whiny aster | belle* | chermaine
chianyeh | class | cheryl y | evelyn
jing xuan | mandre | su(mar)wan | nikki
ramona | pamela maria loo jing ling
rach wong | raisin | suelynn | wenhao
yamz! | yihui(: | yiwei
zhunian!
_wishlist_
black clubs! | tie dyed ribbon
new wallet | black hoop
sasaki ball!!
_tagboard_
Sunday, January 13, 2008
I hate having weird fits of emo-ness at night. Like suddenly very UGHS UGHS the feeling.Problem is. I love the nights too. But only when everyone's asleep and I'm the lone soul awake at home. Be it chatting online, reading, or just staring into space and thinking. I think the privacy and silence at home is what makes me love nights (to be exact, early mornings) at home.
Problem also is, being a teacher from tomorrow onwards, I wonder how much I can blog about what I really feel. Seems odd to me that my students might one day chance upon this blog and find that their teacher is actually someone so emo-nemo. Hmm... But then again. Why did I ever feel the liberty to blog about anything under the sun just because I was a student? Not that I have ever blogged freely about what I thought. Heh. The internet is a scary place afterall.
I wonder how often people get struck with the feeling that they don't want to grow up. Because I'm totally stuck in that dilemma now. And people agree with me as well. Like a friend who said "just stay a kid" to me. Heh, I would like that, the carefree-ness, the joyfulness. Oh gosh I wish I was young and carefree again. I sound so old and yet I am not.
I have the urge of doing all the kiddy things I have missed out when I was an actual kid. Like prancing about in the playground. Building sandcastles at the beach. Streaking across the grounds flying kites.
Instead, I'm met with the horrors of work and interviews. And I hate these kinds of things. Makes me keep doubting myself and thinking I'm not good enough. Makes me wonder whether I really want to be someone successful next time. Makes me want to take the easy way out to be a tai-tai in future and not have to face the horrible phenomenon called the REAL WORLD.
Did you ever wonder you have a choice of escaping from stress? Because I wonder that very often. And it is me giving myself stress. So that makes me a pyscho to be exact.
A pyscho currently missing her counsellor to be exact :(
But I over-exaggerate my problems. And worry to much about nothing. At least I hope it is actually nothing.
That doesn't stop me from worrying.
And worrying and worrying.
See where all the white hair comes from?
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