Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Splitting headache want to grab my head and squeeze my eyes shut tight hoping for some peace. Then an avalanche of conversation of goodness sake I don't want to hear all those keep quiet go do something about it instead of constantly reassuring me that you will go do something about it. Action speaks louder than words go do something you said you will do instead of merely reiterating give you time you will change things. For goodness sake make the change right now.

You said you didn't want to affect my future you didn't want to spoilt my dream do you know how badly you are affecting me here and now and how much weight my performance _now_ will affect my future? Of course it didn't occur to you nothing ever does does it?

And I'm the most free to listen to you right now I'm just sitting here reading reading nonsense of course I'm free and I'm listening and I'm not there watching TV or playing games or trying to get a LIFE. I'm free and I'm just here reading wasting my time wasting my life reading. Of course. I'm free to listen to you. Everyday. Every hour. Every minute. Every second.

Up to your whims and fancies you know.

Drowning my sorrow tears chokes and sobs under the shower screaming to myself stop crying stop crying so that I can walk out and present a perfect countenance nothing happened nothing happened just showered a little longer than usual turning my skin to pulp trying to dry my eyes and wipe away tears. Tears? No those weren't tears, just water droplets from the burning shower condensing on my skin. Nothing nothing happened.

Of course I am selfish unkind inconsiderate the worst everything can ever be ever occurred to you how I am the only one who hasn't yet declared open war who hasn't yet shouted at you who hasn't yet shown any any hint of resentment. And I'm the only who's giving words of encouragement smiles listening to you advicing you and what do I get. Nothing.

Of course. I didn't expect anything. Perhaps some silence I could cherish alone so peace some quiet.

Oh go away.

Dammit.