_behind the scenes_
zhi xu.
30/10/89
likes: purple!
gymnast(:
chinese dancer
_archives_
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_frens_
8+1!! | abbY* | alison
whiny aster | belle* | chermaine
chianyeh | class | cheryl y | evelyn
jing xuan | mandre | su(mar)wan | nikki
ramona | pamela maria loo jing ling
rach wong | raisin | suelynn | wenhao
yamz! | yihui(: | yiwei
zhunian!
_wishlist_
black clubs! | tie dyed ribbon
new wallet | black hoop
sasaki ball!!
_tagboard_
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Kiaped my finger between the door and wall just now. A whole chunk of skin fell out. But it's scabbing already.Finally cleared the shelf in my room of all my angbaos. Mummy complained for ages but I finished it already.
Something keeps worrying me but I can't tell :S Eeeks.
I realise now that when I'm stressed I tend to take up more work and hence become more stressed. Something analogous to the slippery slope thing but in a different way. Haha. like rolling a ball down a boulder and it collects dust, dirt, rubble along the way. Yeps. Because when I'm trying so hard to perfect something [and hence the stress], other stuff cannot go wrong at the same time. It's like trying to perfectly balance the world in an instance. It's hard but yeah. As all the girls in the Ares and Aphrodite Civics course we took last year already know, I try to manage my stress by distracting myself with none other than, more work. It works differently for different people. And recently I've also notice that some work isn't distracting enough. Especially when you get frustrated when you are doing that piece of work too. Then everything crashes down.
Hmm... So I think this reason, trying to escape from what I have in front of me by placing more and more thing in front of me is the reason for my craziness this whole year. Running in the mornings was the first thing, placing them on top of dance and gym in the same day and then trying to not eat as well. Then striving always to do the best in everything I do, when I supposedly have a reason to be not as well. Trying to complete my tutorials the day before SYF. I don't know. Many many things. And then dance night this week. I suppose it's confirmed that chem test is postponed. But think. H3 math test is due on thursday, am I going to do it or not? Afterall, tues has SYF prac after H3 and wed has tech run all the way to the night. And I can't reason whether I should go for gym tomorrow or not. Because since I'm not competing, there isn't any reason for me to continue going. But I'm perverse. Piling things on top of one after another.
Eeks. And when people find out that Im not going to compete in gym. I'm given the "what are you doing" look. And yucks. It isn't nice. And telling you that I'm not coping, you do not believe me. Especially since I look like I'm coping. I mean, doing fine in school, results and everything.
Arghs. Rant rant rant. What happened to no more complaints? I feel so childish :S Off for dinner...
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