_behind the scenes_
zhi xu.
30/10/89
likes: purple!
gymnast(:
chinese dancer
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8+1!! | abbY* | alison
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zhunian!
_wishlist_
black clubs! | tie dyed ribbon
new wallet | black hoop
sasaki ball!!
_tagboard_
Monday, May 28, 2007
Had training today. Choreographed 3 routines. Started off taking a long long time for each routine but ended up going quite fast. It's like getting used to it. Huh. But I don't think I did a good job, regardless of what they said.Actually training was horrible. First was being the only person to be there at 9.30am. And I thought I was going to be late. More like. I'm the poor old senior who isn't going to compete and who yet still goes for training to help those competing and I walk into the gym to see none of them there. One appeared after 41 minutes, the other after 50 minutes. What can I say but i xin1 hui1 yi4 leng3. Worse still. Choreographing routines made me think of last year, when I was still a young j1 with much time, carefree-ness and the passion to compete in gym. I still love gym thank you very much. So, I guess that's why it sucks so much that there are people going to compete and not trying their best, trying to make the school proud of them. Yeah, we secured 11 out of 12 medals last year, does that mean that we would this year? It's not so much about the number of medals out of a total, it is more of knowing that you can reach that and you aren't trying hard enough at it. And yeah. Missing gym for 2 WHOLE weeks on a holiday might not be a choice you could make. Think. Comps are in 6 weeks [Melody told me 5, I'm not so sure]. And yeah missing two weeks out of the meagre number of weeks you have.
Huh. Thinking of it actually, I'm not as much pissed of that as with myself. For having the choice and being the loser. Choosing the easy way out. Thinking maybe I can't do that. When. Yeah I know that, if I wanted to I really could. Just how much I would have to give up. And how much I know I can juggle things without having the give up much as well. I can berate others for giving up a wonderful opportunity. What about me? Yeah I guess I only really fang4 xing1 when I knew there were others around to make the team. Yet, I know I could do it. I didn't train pao1 dai4 step and catch for nothing. Or pao catch and pao. Or kicking rope up with a back leg jump. Hoop and various things I have never tried, guo quan, tan quan, pao quan kua tiao gun fan. Throwing clubs spin catch on the floor elbow cartwheel. Stuff. Stuff I LOVE to do. Yeah I know it would be different. We might not have been able to perform the same dance as well next time. Same here. I think and therefore I feel so. Unable to go on demipointe properly from faulty ankles which hurt simply from doing li4 zong3 100 times per side. Painful back just from doing planks and standing up straight. Wobbling on point. Unable to do things properly. But I know as well. I can lu4 tiao4 and tou2 peng4 jiao3 even though it hurts. I can ban hou tui man zuan jie li. I can choreograph and dance to the music.
I chose not to.
I'm a chicken.
Someone asked me once why I white out such large chunks when it is obvious there are stuff there. I dunnoe. Being a tortoise and hiding away when I smell danger in the air. Being an ostrich and hiding my head in the sand, pretending all is fine since I can't see it. Covering my ears and pretending I can't hear the bell, the siren, the wail of danger. Yeah, it gives me an illusion of a veil, of safety which I know I don't have.
Went to watch pirates today and I think it wasn't as good as most made it out to be. Ahh.
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