_behind the scenes_
zhi xu.
30/10/89
likes: purple!
gymnast(:
chinese dancer
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_frens_
8+1!! | abbY* | alison
whiny aster | belle* | chermaine
chianyeh | class | cheryl y | evelyn
jing xuan | mandre | su(mar)wan | nikki
ramona | pamela maria loo jing ling
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yamz! | yihui(: | yiwei
zhunian!
_wishlist_
black clubs! | tie dyed ribbon
new wallet | black hoop
sasaki ball!!
_tagboard_
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Somehow these few days have left me disgustingly down.Odd what I'm thinking sometimes.
And I really am considering not doing gym. And it hurts that I might regret it in the future but yet again I might regret doing it because I know I won't be able to do well. Perform properly. Not have my favourite apparatus. Not be flexible. Not able to manage the artistic value and difficulties. Not having time. Not having the passion to continue. I wish I could still live in the nice and sheltered world of having a proper rhythmic gym coach which would make it so much easier for me. Make it less stressful. Because the coach would be there to direct trainings. And I wouldn't feel so helpless whenever I train. Because I will never know whether what I'm doing is correct. Never know what routines are supposed to look like. And I don't like what's happening right now. Going for gym for crappy trainings. Continuing gym so as to keep a friend company. And yes I love dancing. I love gym. But I don't love the competitive side of it. I like dancing. Somehow the wonderful and magical moments in dance have taught me that I like the dancing. Not so much the gymnastics. And it hurts. That I'm losing passion for something I have loved for so long in my life. And it scared me that day when I watched gym routines and weren't inspired at all. And it's haunting. That dance night is 3 weeks away. And after 3 weeks I might not be dancing anymore. Again. Don't take away dancing. Talking with a friend about the prospects of dancing as a future really was depressing. And having another friend tell me I would have no future dancing was even more painful. Yet I know that. I have always known that. It hurts that something so wonderful for me would just have to go down the drain.
I really marvel the people who have the courage to pursue their dreams. Having unconventional ambitions in the future. Instead of taking the boring and safe path to become a white collar worker, getting a desk job in a clean and bright office.
Disillusioned.
Somewhere over the Rainbow
-- The Wizard of Oz
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?
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