_behind the scenes_
zhi xu.
30/10/89
likes: purple!
gymnast(:
chinese dancer
_archives_
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_frens_
8+1!! | abbY* | alison
whiny aster | belle* | chermaine
chianyeh | class | cheryl y | evelyn
jing xuan | mandre | su(mar)wan | nikki
ramona | pamela maria loo jing ling
rach wong | raisin | suelynn | wenhao
yamz! | yihui(: | yiwei
zhunian!
_wishlist_
black clubs! | tie dyed ribbon
new wallet | black hoop
sasaki ball!!
_tagboard_
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Pamela Maria Loo Jing LingYou'd better thank me for typing out the 25 pages of notes from EXCO interview today so that you can go write it out nicely... Because you type too slowly... Sooo long... Good thing I not secretary... I doubt I can understand the notes I took. Haha...
Yeps, had J1 EXCO interview today from 8.30 to 1+. A bit disappointed that there were actually people who did not turn up and wasted our time but... What can I do right.
Somehow I think that the J1s in Chinese Dance do not yet know what a big burden being in EXCO is. Because we really function very differently from a lot of other CCAs. We basically carry all the work on our shoulders and we are proud as a batch to speak of the trust Mdm Ong has in us in leaving us to settle so many things.
Yes, we are proud that she is proud of us.
But we reflect upon what she said as well. Must show care and concern for her as well...
And I must not appear so fierce and unapproachable. Am I really?
Ok yes. And well. You made me really really disappointed in myself. I wish I didn't do that. But understand what I meant out of it. I'm sorry.
I'm really really selffish.
Read Tuesdays with Morrie yesterday. As in start yesterday and finish yesterday. Or more like at 12.10 am this morning. It was a wonderful read but I shan't go about talking about it's contents. What I thought more about is what we do after reading the book because it is so affecting. And yes, I bawled and cried. And bawled and cried. I don't think I've ever cried so hard reading a book before. And yeah. It really moved me.
But it seems easy to be so touched and so resolved in the deep of the night. Alone, reading, quiet all around you. And the next day. I wake up as usual, or a bit later than the usual school day. And head off to school. To spend more time chasing after supposedly meaningless things again. To chase after the busy life style. To chase after more work and more work. To put more on my shoulders. To feel more stressed.
Why does it have to be this way?
We give up our dreams so often. I wished we could stop to think how much we have given up to be standing here today. Yes, we cannot have everything in our lives. But really. Are dreams really that meaningless?
Do we even realise how much we are sacrificing to be here? Or do we just think that being here is all there is? Do we know how much we could have been?
But there's the issue of regret too. A life without regrets. How impossible. Maybe we could just shed a few tears every morning like Morrie Schwartz and get off with our lives as usual. How impressive.
I seem to be crying a lot recently. What's wrong with me.
"Love each other or perish," Morrie said. "It's good, no? And it's so true.
Without love, we are birds with broken wings."
But really. I'm still blessed. Still loved. I just don't realise it most of the time. I'm selfish. And I think too much of myself. I lose my temper. And I feel like a machine. A machine trying to go on 240hour shifts without rest. Trying to go on electricity without maintenance. Trying to accomplish everything without fun.
I'm not complaining. My dance mates, classmates, simply friends and family around me help me so much. I really really thank all of them.
Somehow. I just wonder. I may not have broken wings, but who will be there to be the wind beneath my wings?
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