wind to thy wings~

Saturday, March 10, 2007

This was the sky i woke up to this morning.
Gives a premonition of doom doesn't it?
Coupled with sleeping at 1plus last night and feeling really really tired and dragging myself out of bed.
Something was just going wrong today. I could sense it in my bones [sounds old doesn't it].
Reached school super early. Quite a few of the dancers were already at the track. Good things still. Everything thus far was going fine. Until we found out the turn-up rate of 10/15 with 2 nice j1s and cheng gong who came to join us.
Everyone who didn't come were sick or injured.
Everyone who came were falling sick or tired or unmotivated.
So we started off with running 5 rounds around the track which was blissfully empty. People who usually train there were off on some trip or another I believe. Ran 3 rounds doing overtaking. And 2 rounds of all the various jumps, new running methods and stuff. I was tired before that. After that...
Went to windy benches to dance although we had the dance studio today. Cos dancing at the windy benches is more relaxing, more effective and everything.
Thing was we met our seniors at the windy benches. And sat around for a while. Then xin ying and ivy disappeared somewhere. Which gave everyone the motivation to sit down relax and talk a bit. And _wait_ for them to return so that we could start pt. I think they kind of disappeared for more than half an hour.
Yucks.
So with the huge break. Everyone was really focused. So dance today was slack and disgusting feeling. And the music cut we had to do based on feedback during preview sounded disgusting. And it was my fault because I made the cut and I wasn't really focused that night. I apologise.
And there were so many missing people that we couldn't do what was the main plan that day. I settle the huge major changes in formations between the slow and the fast parts. WE NEED EVERYONE TO DO THAT WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING WHEN HALF THE PEOPLE ARE MISSING.
We had to let everyone off after a really unsuccessful practice. And the way practice goes really affects my mood. Dancing together with the music elevates me somethings and today was really an spiral all the way downwards.

On a lighter note. look at cheng gong and my new pencil boxes. Designed by vernus and patented by zhi xu. Thank you. It was done yesterday with zip lock bags from the wardrobe :P I have a new zip lock bag! The old one tore and everything fell out.
Someone please help me source of nice pencil boxes. I think i need a proper new one. How long do you think this new ziplock bag will last?
The eeyor pencilcase remember? [hehe aster tell me where you saw it last time I will go and buy after cts]

Take a closer look at the design. Original vernus handwriting. Haha notice how many purples she had to write when listing the things in my pencil box :P Then conclusion? "ZHIXU IS A PURPLE FREAK!!!"

Went for chinese dance barbeque at mdm ong's house today. This is the view from her house. Nice 13th floor apartment. Looks like a chalet place right? SO NICE. Haha and she invited me to drop by at her house XD Lols...

After dance today went out to eat pepper lunch express at j8 food court. Quite ok larh but the last time I ate the salmon one which was better than the curry chicken one i ate today. Hmmm...

Went home to try mugging chapters 8, 9 and 10 today so that by tomorrow I can hit 14 [chem]. Failure. I was sleeping at the table before I even started on 8. So i transfered to the sofa to sleep for 15 minutes so that I would feel more refreshed after that and can study. Bad idea. I ended up sleeping until I had to go out to pick xinying up and then go to school to meet the dancers before heading for mdm ong's house. So silly. We thought that we would be meeting like 20 over people to go over there together. And we met up with only 5 j1s. All the rest of the j2s either couldn't go today or were going by themselves. SO SHA. And we had to wait for 1 hour before leaving school because we didn't know who were coming. Most people didn't tell us whether we had to wait for them and many of them cancelled on us today :(

IF I KNEW I COULD HAVE SLEPT FOR ONE MORE HOUR AT LEAST TIME SLEEPING IS MORE PRECIOUS THAN TIME SPENT WAITING.

But the barbeque was fun and relaxing and a blast :P Although xinying commented that I looked tired/sad because I just kept smiling and didn't really participate in any conversation. Hmmm... Tired larh. Sad maybe a bit but not exactly sad just the over-riding weariness...

Hmmm... Today my back hurt really very badly. Kept having sudden shooting sharp pains [alliteration of emphasis! it wasn't intentional actually...] And the fall yesterday when i was trying to u-turn after a jump had a hard impact on my shoulder. So my entire shoulder area hurt. And apparently there is a lot of negative feedback going around my body. Sitting at my table late at night yesterday was torturous and extremely painful. I ended up wanting to curse [I actually cursed in an sms sent at around 12am this morning/last night]. And it was so painful that I felt like crying in desperation.

Sitting like that now gives me random shots of pain also.

CCTV 4 was playing this China performing in Sydney thing just now. And my parents were watching. A quite pro woman was singing molihua which totally made me miss Dance Night last year. I think it is soooo depressing that the last time we dance together would have to be at a place so pok and for so little people that I can't even offer all my friends tickets :'( So this year I would have so little supporters and boohooooooo...

Anyway some in the audience were crying while listening to the molihua. My ex-principal in ATS's favourite song was molihua also. Then my daddy was saying something about not liking the song actually although the woman sings well. Then my mum was "that is a song that all chinese should know". The sense of belonging and longing and I don't really know how to describe of that song is really touching and moves me in a special way. Like edelweiss... Hmmm... And i actually thought i had lost that kind of feeling in me.

Should I study actuarial science? I told my sister I want to study about risk management and it turns out that the course I would then have to take is actuarial science. And to be an actuary is really really hard. Apparently the passing and graduation rates are low. And little universities offer that. Gah! How.... I must decide upon my future as a goal to work towards!

I keep shivering these few days. What's wrong with me.

Hmmm... Some random thoughts. That day out of the blue wanling suddenly suggested that I should become the class role model. Because of something like being able to finish all my work and help others and do well and cope and what nots even when I am so busy. Being the class role model... Hmmm... Something I believe I do not live up to. Firstly, he/she should be helpful and patient. I think I'm rather short tempered and not exactly helpful. Meaning you have to ask me a question before I would answer you. If I see you there I would probably not help unless you ask for help. Basically something of a privacy issue. Although sometimes people wait for other to offer help and I am like that sometimes I just don't feel that pushing help into someone else's face is just like me. I don't know rather funny. Secondly, he/she has to be good tempered. And a people-person. Something I am rather not. Cross me when I'm feeling down already and you get whatever I'm feeling at the same time. Although I must say I have not been doing that these few days at least it's just that I am not naturally like that. I want to be like that but somehow since I consciously and patient i think it's not my nature. Back to the issue on whether your character or your mind or whatever dominates. Can you be who you are.

Anyway. That isn't exactly what I wanted to talk about but since I've typed it in there I shall just leave it there. Who reads this anyway. But hearing that I am worth something to somebody really encourages me. Feels great to be appreciated sometimes. I guess I'm just not that selfless actually. I would get pissed when I have to do what others are supposed to do and then he/she gets recognition for the work that I've done. It just isn't very fair to me. Especially when the person receives the recognition even when he/she didn't do the thing. Aiyah, I dunnoe. You don't have to praise me for doing the thing. It's just I don't know how to say. I'm blabbering bleargh.

Friends have come to play an extremely huge part in my life. Not that they have never done but I must just mention it here. Receiving the "chengg loves you" note that she wrote for everyone was nice. Knowing that someone out there is caring for you is nice. Knowing that there are people behind you is nice as well. I always say that I go to school only for cca. Not very true. My class keeps me sane. My dancers keep me sane. The company and just simply talking and crapping or whining about homework studying and grade is keeping me going all through the day. Oh yarh and that was part of what I wanted to say about the role model thingy. A role model shouldn't be someone who is on the brink of collasping and needs the company of people around him/her to keep going right.

I don't know how I'm going to survive the next few days mugging alone at home [I shall try to convince my mum to bring my sister out although i do feel depressed studying alone at home but she sometimes causes a distraction]. Mugging alone makes me feel depressed and get less work done I don't know why also. My friends keep me going but apparently I won't see much of them over the hols except during dance on tues and thurs [dance is only on two days the doctor is going to be happy].

Aiyah i shall write a note to all my friends after cts thanking them for helping me through the days.

wishing wind to thy wings at 11:34 PM
c0mments